You're Still an Innocent
by Mindless Dreaming
Summary: Cal's final thoughts before his suicide in 1929. is he as cold hearted as you thought? SONGFIC TO INNOCENT BY TAYLOR SWIFT.


**A/N- So, I ADORE this song. It's one of my all time favorite Taylor Swift songs. And after I listened to it a few times, it reminded me of Cal. It just fits him perfectly in my opinion. So, hope you like my SECOND titanic songfic to**_** Innocent by Taylor Swift.**_

**PS- this has spoilers. Don't read it unless you've seen the movie.**

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He remembered the night. April 14th, 1912. The Titanic was sinking right under his feet. Mr. Caledon Hockley couldn't be defeated by a 3rd class gutter rat.

"Where are you going? TO HIM? Is that it? To be a whore to a…gutter rat?" he said, with pain in his eyes.

Rose took a deep breath. "I'd rather be his whore then your wife."

"NO!" he yelled at his fiancé. "I SAID NO!" he grabbed her and swung her around. She grunted, trying to get out of his type grip. Cal wouldn't give up.

She turned to him, and spit. Right on his face, Cal let go of her and wiped it off onto his hand, while watching the love of his life disappear.

_I guess you really did it this time_  
_Left yourself in your warpath_  
_Lost your balance on a tightrope_  
_Lost your mind tryin' to get it back_

_Where did the love, even go? _ Was all he had thought for the past years. He was married, now. He had a family. But, deep down inside, he missed Rose. He wanted her, more then anything. He loved his wife, really he did. But, not that same way as Rose did.

It killed him that Rose didn't feel the same way. He knew that she was forced to marry him, by her bitch of a mother._ Couldn't she at least try for it?_ He missed those days. When everything, was almost like a fairytale.

_Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?  
Always a bigger bed to crawl into  
wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?  
And everybody believed in you?_

What did he really do, that made Rose hate him so much? Yeah, he probably could have given her more freedom of will. But, she was engaged at the time Mr. Dawson came in.

Cal was puzzled. "What did Jack do, to deserve all my problems? Nothing really. Nothing, at all. All he really did, was fall for someone. Everyone does that, at least once in their lifetime." He whispered to himself.

_It's all right, just wait and see  
Your string of lights is still bright to me  
Oh, who you are is not where you've been  
You're still an innocent  
You're still an innocent  
_

He wished that he could say sorry. Anything, anything at all that would get all this guilt that was built inside him for years on end out of him.

Jack died in the shipwreck. Or so he heard. Cal couldn't even picture…how hard that must have been for Rose. If it indeed, was true, Rose was probably the last person Jack spoke to. Cal could imagine him, not giving up on himself, almost.

"God damnit!" he thought to himself. The only thing he truly wanted that night, was for Rose to be happy and survive. He had heard that she survived, but he never came around to trying to make things work again since he was gone.

It took him a long time to realize that real situation. Rose didn't want anything to do with him anymore. She was waiting to die, to be with her Jack. But, he really couldn't even believe that she was alive. It really was, just gossip spreading around.

_There's some things you can't speak of  
But tonight you'll live it all again  
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now  
If only you would sing what you know now then  
_

Now, here Cal was. He was able to buy anything he wanted in the whole world, well pretty much. But did he fully enjoy his life? No. He wished he could start over. He was known in Pittsburgh for being heartless.

Sometimes, he wished her had a childhood like the people of "limited greens." No one would look down on you, expecting you to look perfect. You could actually enjoy the time of being a kid. Without interruptions, and people judging you.

When his father died, he got all of his fortune. What a fucked up mistake, it was.

_Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?  
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you  
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep?  
Before the monsters caught up to you?  
_

"If you really knew me, you would know that I hated my life. That is why I'm here now." He thought.

It's all right, just wait and see  
Your string of lights is still bright to me  
Oh, who you are is not where you've been  
You're still an innocent

His whole life was like a competition. You had to be richer then the next guy. You had to have a more beautiful, sexy, young wife. If you didn't you weren't part of the club. It was preferred that the generations before you were rich, also. But if you were "new money", or how they called, it would still be considered a part of it. Just, you had less popularity. It was stupid really, but Cal just followed along.

_It's okay, life is a tough crowd  
32, and still growin' up now  
Who you are is not what you did  
You're still an innocent  
_

But, it all phased away eventually. Cal needed to get the year 1912 out of his mind. Anyways, it was almost going on twenty years ago.

The depression had hit Cal hard. He tried keeping the business up, but it just wasn't possible anymore. His whole family lost everything.

_Time turns flames to embers  
You'll have new Septembers  
Every one of us has messed up too  
_

He tried to make it through the depression. It wasn't possible. The stress and emotional pain was eating him alive. So, he might as well end it all now. You know? Haven't you always felt the need to end everything? all the pressure just builds up inside. You try to tell someone, but they just don't understand?

_Lives change like the weather  
I hope you remember  
Today is never to late to  
Be brand new_

Cal walked down to the cellar and unraveled the combination for the gun safe. He took out a steel black pistol, put it in his pocket, and walked into the kitchen. His family was outside, enjoying the wonderful weather. He took out a piece of paper, and wrote a letter to them.

* * *

**To anyone this may concern,**

** I love you. I miss you. I will never forget you. Always remember. Make each day count.**

Caledon.

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**

He got the "make each day count" from Jack Dawson. He remembered those words, even after all these years._**  
**_

_It's all right, just wait and see  
Your string of lights are still bright to me  
Oh, who you are is not where you've been  
You're still an innocent_

He walked out the front door and opened the car door. Looking back at the white house for one last time, he sighed and lit a cigarette. With that, he pulled out of the lane, and drove to, anywhere he could find. Anything where he could be alone.

After about twenty minutes, he stopped the Renault and stepped out of the car. He was at the nearest woods. You usually wouldn't see anyone like Cal there, but he was there for something different.

He tasted the hard steel hit his bottom teeth. It made his mouth cold. He gulped, put his finger on the trigger, and waited. Waited for an absolution that would stop him from doing something with so much wrong.

_You're still an innocent  
lost your balance on the tightrope  
It's never too late to get back _


End file.
